This is Paradise

by The Total Bettys

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1.
Am I Glowing 03:42
Another week of heartache Sharing my bed with my phone Thank god it’s Friday Thank god I’m still all alone Another week of wondering If it’s smart to try to make amends Maybe I’ll see you out It’s not my fault you’re friends with all my friends I don’t miss you It’s just that feeling when the sadness hits you I get migraines when I try to not think about you But trust me, I feel fine. I don’t care who you’re talking to I’m so happy, god I really love my life I don’t need someone to say that I look nice This is paradise Another pot of coffee I made too much to just drink by myself It's not about you, I'm crying about something else Another weekend morning God this sunny day is so surreal Thank god I'm so mature I love how peaceful my apartment feels Am I glowing? All this pain just means I'm growing I get migraines when I try to not think about you But trust me, I feel fine. I don’t care who you’re talking to I’m so happy, god I really love my life I don’t need someone to say that I look nice This is paradise
2.
Say you’ll never leave me, I know better After all that we’ve been through I’m as lonely as ever I left you alone, it drove you wild I knew I'd make it on my own when I was a child I never let you in, you never knew me Without all your stuff my room is oh so roomy I messed it up again What’s another failed attempt? I’m gonna let ‘em say Whatever they’re gonna say about me I’m gonna hide away, pretend that I’m glad no one has found me Next time I’ll make One less mistake You say my attitude is unproductive I’ve already concluded I can be self-destructive It kinda freaks me out how you’re so steady I want to say it’s not your fault that I wasn’t ready I never let you in, you never knew me Without all your stuff my room is oh so roomy I’m gonna let ‘em say whatever they’re gonna say about me I’m gonna hide away, pretend that I’m glad no one has found me I’m gonna tell myself again and again I did all I could do But it’s not true No, it’s not true I wanna be that girl you knew
3.
Know Me 03:53
Knowing me, I was ready for it all to end Too superstitious to mention you to any of my friends You made me nervous It killed me when you offered me a ride And you’re so pretty I look out of place sitting by your side Before I know what I’m doing I’m halfway to inviting you in I would like to know you Do you want to know me? I would like to know you Can I bring you home with me? I would like to show you everything I am When you talk to me I can barely speak one paragraph I didn’t mean to But somehow I kept making you laugh I like the way you touch me when you look at my tattoos You’re so pretty I lose track of everything I meant to do Before I know what I’m doing I’m halfway to inviting you in I would like to know you Do you want to know me? I would like to know you Can I bring you home with me? I would like to show you everything, everything, everything Honestly, a girl like you could ask for so much more But something happened, and either way I had to make sure
4.
You wore me out around town You showed me off You wore me out You dragged me down You lured me in I wanted out You cracked a smile You said I’m cute the way I frown I said, “what do you take me for?” And you took me I wanted my life back But there was nothing left, nothing left for me I ventured off in the pitch black But I found it all too dark and stormy And you ended up with all the glory You made a scene You made it seem Like all I did was Think about myself You’d change your mind And start to cry Apologize for Putting me through hell You told me I Was one of a kind When really I was One of quite a few You said I mattered to you But it doesn’t matter to me what you meant to do I let myself Fall in love With how the guys thought You were just so cool I didn’t pay attention How all the girls seemed a little scared of you
5.
I scare everyone I meet when I open up too soon Nobody wants to hear it My friends say they’ll never leave, but when I’m laying in my bed I can’t help but fear it It’s all in my head It's all in my head I’ll be the first to give advice It isn’t gonna last forever I’ll come out of this so much better I’ll come out of this so much better When it rains it pours Poor me, poor me But it isn’t gonna last forever I’ll come out of this so much better I can tell that i’m growing up, but I’m not sure if that’s good I’m not sure at all I’m wearing down everyone i love And I’m sure they’d rather not get one more call It feels good to get your validation But I still feel alone I know you want to help with my frustration But this is something that I have to work through on my own
6.
Best Friends 04:03
You always like what I try on You always miss me when I'm gone You’d talk with me ‘til it got late And you hate everyone I hate And I want it back I want to be best friends again And I want to be best friends again I miss that happy feeling you used to give me I was a happy introvert I didn't know how bad it hurt I felt at home in your car seat You always used to be so sweet And I want it back I want to be best friends again And I want to be best friends again I miss that happy feeling you used to give me I swear I'll be so good if you forgive me You always like what I try on You always miss me when i'm gone You’d talk with me ‘til it got late And you hate everyone I hate And I want it back
7.
Grown Up 03:44
I’m too high for this I’ll save it for tomorrow I’ll deal with it tomorrow I don’t want to risk more existential sorrow I’ll deal with it tomorrow I just want to live in the now I just don’t want to let anyone down I’ll be grown up, I’ll go to Safeway I’ll take my meds, I’ll use an ashtray I’ll get some sleep on every weekday I’ll make you super proud I can’t tell you what’s coming My degree taught me nothing My fears made me colder Wake me up when I’m older I had big plans today But who was I fooling? Why did you assume I knew what I was doing It’s all just so confusing I’ll be grown up, I’ll shave my legs I won’t cry at work, won’t call my ex Never lose my keys or write bad checks I’ll make you super proud I don’t know what to say I can’t give you that closure But I’ll blow you away Once this all blows over
8.
Clean Cut 05:03
You wish I was clean cut I wish I could make a clean break Yeah, maybe I’m a bit of a tough nut But you can’t seem to keep me awake You think that I’m lazy Cuz I won’t do what you want me to do You won’t think that maybe It’s just that I don’t want to end up like you Don’t bother me Don’t bother me Don’t bother me Don’t bother with me I’m not being crazy I deserve what I want I'm reacting appropriately Don't tell me to be calm You think you know what’s best for me, but you’re wrong I don’t think you’re wiser I guess I won’t know ‘til I’m older myself For all the lessons you tried to teach me You showed me I should learn from somebody else I’m doing a good job And I think deep down you know that it’s true You roll your eyes at me when I’m talking Do you hate me cuz I’m powerful too? You think you're hurting my feelings when you call me frigid You don't know that I'd happily burn my bridges
9.
I've got a lot of heartbreak It runs through my bloodstream I had another nightmare About my high school lacrosse team I'm always stressed That someone from my past will come to town And want to talk about the things I worked so hard to live down I want to be well-adjusted, I just don't know how I really thought I would be better off by now It's October fifteenth and it's a million degrees I feel so worked up, I'm sweating through my sheets It's a quarter to two I need another breakthrough I wouldn’t dare call you after what I put you through I wish I was still sleeping next to you I'm starting to forget how It feels when you hold me I'm telling all my friends that I'm not really lonely A part of me wants to talk about my biggest fears But after all I’ve been through I’m aching just to disappear I want to just laugh about it And I know I should It feels so tempting just to leave this place for good It's October fifteenth and it's a million degrees I feel so worked up, I'm sweating through my sheets It's a quarter to two I need another breakthrough I wouldn't dare call you after what I put you through I wish I was still sleeping next to you
10.
The Worst 04:02
I think I’m ready to get up now I can’t take this headache no more I spend an hour asking myself how I spent the entire day indoors Just falling behind Deep down I know I can hold my own As much as I wish you had stayed There’s something sweet about being alone As much as I wish it would fade I’ll make up my mind I dove into this loneliness headfirst Of all the things I could be doing This is probably the worst I wanna make a little change each day Maybe I am learning Or maybe I’m fading away I tell myself I won’t get in my own way I’ll let myself out of my head But when I end up making a little mistake I sink back into my lovely bed I say that I’m fine I dove into this loneliness headfirst Of all the things I could be doing This is probably the worst I wanna make a little change each day Maybe I am learning Or maybe I’m fading away I stay home and blame it on the dizzy spells How good could I be if I were someone else?

about

Maggie Grabmeier (she/her) – vocals/guitar
Reese Grey (they/them) – guitar/vocals
Chloé Lee (she/her) – bass/vocals
Kayla Billos (she/her) – drums

All songs written by The Total Bettys.

This is Paradise was recorded, mixed, and mastered by Grace Coleman at Secret Bathroom, Different Fur Studios, and Women's Audio Mission.

Album art photography by Sarah Anderson (@honeybsar)

credits

released November 16, 2018

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The Total Bettys San Francisco, California

The Total Bettys are a pop punk band from San Francisco.

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